


Reaching Out

by hawkeyescoffee



Series: The star-crossed, the destined and the cursed [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Daddy Issues, Maya and Jace being bros, Meliorn is a good guy, Multi, Sebastian is scheming, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tags May Change, after season 2, kind of a lot of hand holding, let jace curse, not realy a romantic focus but bear with me, simon and jace are the main characters, the question if show sebastian is redeemable ( my two cents on that issue) (bear with me), the seelie queen as antagonist bc who needs a villan when you have daddy issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-03-12 15:45:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13550487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeyescoffee/pseuds/hawkeyescoffee
Summary: . "I really want to meet my soulmate.  I'm just saying.... Aren't you curious? What kind of person is made for you?" "Sure.", Simon shrugged and tried to bite back sadness, "But what are the chances you are going to meet them anyway?"Especially when you are trapped at the Seelie-court.The man he “captured” grinned at them, a cold, calculating grin. His nose was bleeding because Jace punched him in the face. In his defense: wasn’t that anyone’s first instinct upon seeing their believed dead enemy/ secret soulmate? Because Jace thought that was a really good reason to punch someone in the face.(His humble opinion on that matter anyways.)The soulmate AU no one asked for, where everyone and their cat thought Clary was their soulmate, except Clary's soulmate and Malec.





	1. Prologue I: Simon Lewis' last night

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> this is my first work on ao3, my first work in English and my first Shadowhunters work. So, there are a lot of firsts.  
> I'd like to thank my beta reader here but none of us are native speakers, so if you find any more mistakes be so kind and tell me  
> Please read the tags and well, enjoy yourself

He sat in front of his Piano but couldn’t bring himself to play a single note. Jace was staring down on the star that really shouldn’t be there for a lot of reasons: First and most importantly his soulmate was _dead._   Secondly his soulmate was an asshole anyway. Thirdly he was in love with Clary, wasn’t he?

But the star was there, and it really didn’t seem like it was going to go away again any time soon. Shit.

She sat on the edge of the bridge, deep in thoughts and somewhat restless when he arrived. Simon smiled down at Clary, his beautiful best friend whom he loved even before he could begin to grasp all those intense emotions. So, when there was the chance to be with Clary romantically, obviously he wanted and needed to take the chance. Especially after they all thought she found her soulmate in Jace. It never occurred to him that even though he loved Clary and Clary loved him, they were not good for each other this way. They just didn’t function as a couple. And yes, ultimately, he understood that his love for his best friend wasn’t the romantic kind anymore. Or that it never was in the first place. Maybe he mistook it all to be romantic because it was so deep, unshakeable. She was family after all.

Clary was in a bad emotional shape and Simon didn’t blame her, after everything that happened since they discovered the shadow world. And yeah, the recent events. Speaking of: His deal with the seelie queen was still a thing. He had to return to the court in a few hours. The queen thinks fairly high of herself, after mercifully granting him three days to take his leave. Simon wished he could do more for Clary, to ease her pain but he had to appease the queen for Maia's sake and well for some ungodly reason that old, powerful being wanted to have him in her court to spent time with him. Maybe he could leave one day, if the queen would ever grow bored of him. Or she would kill him. Whatever was more likely. (Yeah, _maybe_ he shouldn’t think about it...)

He sat next to her and tried a reassuring smile. "Hey, what's up?" Okay, he probably didn’t look very confident. "You said, that you need to talk?", Simon tried again. Clary just hummed in response, not taking her eyes off the black water underneath them. It's been a week since her brother's corpse fell down there and the institute still hasn't found Sebastian's/Jonathan's remains. Simon wished they would hurry and fish this little shit out already, so they could bury him somewhere in Idris. Really, Simon didn’t care about Sebastian Morgenstern at all, but he was Clary's brother. A brother she never knew about and an awful one, but a blood relative nevertheless. It was no use for her to wonder if he was still alive. She deserved, needed closure. "Do you want to talk about Sebastian?"

Clary sighed quietly and finally tore her gaze off the river. "No.", she eventually answered, "No, he is dead and that’s fine because he was evil and couldn’t be saved." Simon questioned that stern statement. He knew her, knew what lengths she was willing to take, to save those who were close to her. She was a lot like her late father in that sense. (May he be rotting in hell.) He also knew that she'd like to see her brother like others view her and Jace: Another victim of Valentin's insane and racist efforts to make the world a better place.

Simon decided that it would be better to drop the brother topic. Instead he slid closer to her side and laid his hand on top of hers. It was cold. The gesture almost lured out a smile. The corner of her mouth twitched hesitantly. How could he ever question if their relationship would last? It even survived their awkward attempted romance. "So... why did call me out here in the middle of the night? To not discuss the things that _plague_ you?" She rolled her eyes, while he was just grinning. Finally, a reaction. "You are a vampire.", was the lame response. With a shrug he leaned back. "A daylighter.", he corrected teasingly, "And with all the time I spent awake during the day... You know that I still have to sleep right? Right?"

"It's Jace.", she sighted. Her gaze flickered between him and the water in a fairly uncertain manner. Okay, he knew going back to being best friends with Clary after they dated would be awkward but yeah, discussing her not-so-quite-boyfriend and probably-soulmate was... Well, Simon wondered if it would ever be _unawkward_ again. "Is he too perfect?", his voice was raised in dramatic singsong in hope it could ease the tension. Again, half a smile on her face, that did not reach her green eyes. "What? So bad? Please tell me I don’t have to fight him, because we both know I'll lose that fight." With a hand raised to his forehead as if he would faint, Simon slowly laid on the cold wood.

"No." Clary's fingers fumbled with a few stray hairs of hers before she flopped her body down beside him ungracefully. "He's avoiding me. I..", she paused. "It's basically what I did when I found out that he was not my brother. Geez, It's all so messy. First, we kind of have a _thing_. No, I thought he was my soulmate, I still do." She touched her wrist, where he knew her soulmark was, where all soulmarks are. Simon waited for her to continue "Then we are supposedly siblings. _Fun._ “And now that we know that we are not. After my real brother and my fath-" Her jaw was clanging. Only the thought of Valentine made her furious and frankly, a little guilty. "The man who raised him", she hissed instead, "is dead and we could be together, like officially. He is just ignoring me, without telling me why."

"One would think you two would have learned to talk to each other by now."

Clary tried to glare at him. Probably because he didn’t take this serious enough.  She focused a moment on her wrist and a silver flame appeared, swirling and twisting around her forearm.  According to Izzy every person with human blood has a mark, a painting which vaguely hints at the identity of one's soulmate.  Simon spent a moment thinking, before he revealed his own mark. Because - honestly? - he´ll probably never meet them, given it was his last day in this world. Seelies didn’t have Soulmates anyway; they were without mundane blood. A bunch of blue-ish violet flower heads covered the majority of his wrist up to his palm: blue iris, he knew for a while now.

"I've been keeping a secret from him, ever since he came back to life and...", she trailed of turning towards Simon to look at him. Clary studied his face, as if she was afraid to find judgment there. His hand found its way to hers, prompting her silently to go on.  "He´s not my soulmate. My mark didn’t vanish when he died." That was the catch with the soulmate-business: You only knew for sure when the person died. One could spend their whole life with someone, who they thought was their soulmate and then, after their lover's death, realise that they in fact, weren't.  Simon only knew two couples who were soulmates. Jocelyn and Luke (Clary used to make jokes about them being made for each other growing up, finding out she was right when her mum was killed, was... Well, _shit_. For everyone.) And Magnus and Alec knew, since Alec almost died, and Magnus' Mark reacted accordingly. (They kept that secret for a while and then Izzy found out).

"Does the fact that he isn't change your feelings in any way?", he asked instead of thinking about his own soulmate. Because that’s what was important, right? If they love each other and not if someone out there thought, they were meant to be. "I-", she sat up again, clearly not able to sit still. "Honestly, I don't know. But I still don’t want to lose him. That’s quite selfish, isn't it?" Simon sighed. Wasn’t that Clary's problem, how she didn’t know what she wanted? "I may repeat myself but talk. To. Him. Who knows what he's thinking anyway?" Now it was the red heads turn to sight. "You are right. I know you are but I couldn't bare him being distant again. I need him. I-" She stopped herself.

"On the other hand." She let her index finger caress the silver flames which glimmered almost white in the moonlight, giving a stark contrast to her runes. With a sight she let the picture disappear again. "I really want to meet my soulmate.  I'm just saying.... Aren't you curious? What kind of person is _made_ for you?" "Sure.", Simon shrugged and tried to bite back sadness, "But what are the chances you are going to meet them anyway?" _Especially when you are trapped at the Seelie-court._ "Many people are happy without their soulmate. Hell, we didn’t even know this was true for the longest time anyway."

"I guess you're right." She didn’t sound convinced though.

Still, Simon hugged her back and smiled when they departed. Smiled until she couldn’t see him anymore, then used his superhuman speed to rush to the hotel Dumort.  Just to stop awkwardly in front of it. Because he couldn’t just walk in, could he? Raphael made himself very clear on that topic the last time they saw each other. Well, Simon would prefer not to die, if that was avoidable. Bevor he could make up his mind about going in or not, Raphael himself approached Simon from behind. Of course, he did. “What are you doing here?”, his voice was dangerously low. Well, Simon really didn’t think this trough, did he? “Hi, Raphael! What I’m doing here? I’m…” God, he was bubbling. “I didn’t hear you. I…”, definitely bubbling. And for the love of god, he was a vampire. How did the other boy always, always manage to sneak up on him. “I actually wanted to apologize.”

Raphael sighed. He didn’t glare anymore. His features were almost soft, Simon thought. But more than anything, he looked tired, incredibly tired. Something in Simon twisted at that sight. Tiredness didn’t suit him; cheeky and amused Raphael was way better in every aspect. “Apologize?”, the older vampire seemed surprised when the raised eyebrow was anything to go by. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to apologize for kidnaping Camille. Clary is my family and I did what I had to do to protect her but…” He was afraid to meet the other boys eye, did it then anyway, just to realise that he had no idea what Raphael was thinking. “I apologize for betraying your trust like this. Its just. You protected your family and I protected mine and I wish things were different.”

When Raphael didn’t answer immediately, Simon kind of panicked. “Listen, you and Magnus helped me to adjust to the life as downworlder and even though I know that’s your job as leader of the vampire clan, id like to think I wasn’t that insufferable and we could have been friends.” He shrugged, “Thank you, Raphael.” An awkward pause followed. Because _someone_ still didn’t say anything. “I accept your apology, _fledgling_.” Simon didn’t like how Raphael emphasized the last word; especially since he wasn’t a fledgling anymore. “but…” Of course, there was a ‘but’. “You can’t come back to the clan, we- “

“What?” Confusion rose within him. Raphael looked at him like he was stupid. That didn’t help. At all. “The clan. Just because I understand your reason, doesn’t mean we can take you back-“ “I don’t intend to return”, Simon cut him off the second time, all to Raphael’s obvious annoyance. “you don’t?” “No. Listen, I have to go. I’ll see you around.” Lies. Raphael looked irritated. The elegant features disrupted by a deep frown, but Simon didn’t stay to notice, and Raphael didn’t stop him as he literally run away.


	2. Prologue II: A heavy morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If someone would have told him a year ago that he will have familiar feelings not for one, but for two of his kickass exes, he would have laughed until he almost suffocated. That’s how ridiculous the whole situation was.

Simon stood in front of the entrance to the park. A final and cold kind of hopelessness spreading inside him, leaving him numb to the core. But he went inside anyway because he had to, right? That was it, then. God knows when he will be able to walk in this world again, if he would see his loved ones alive again. This was it. He would not cry. He promised this to himself go with dignity.

This was it.

 

Jace was not drunk. Definitely not. Not a little bit.

  
He looked at the young man in front of him as if he could just will him away because why?

  
Why here?

  
Why now?

  
Why him? Again?

  
He sighed and used his right hand to rub his eyes, but the picture didn’t change. Maybe the image just became clearer, all blue eyes, blonde hair and arrogant grin, leaning against the backwall of the hunters moon, as if Jace didn’t throw his dead body from a bridge. “Hello, brother.”, as if he wasn’t already dead and gone. “This whole situation will be rather interesting.”. Johnathan Christopher was dead. Everything was so fuzzy, like he was walking through a thick layer of fog. Johnathan, Sebastian was dead. “Please, send Clarissa my regard.”

  
He woke up in his own bed sweaty, gross, miserable, in hopeless need for a shower- And no memory of actually going back to the institute last night. That itself was fairly strange, usually he would have remembered, despite the high amount of alcohol in his system. “Jace?”, disoriented and unsure for a moment he reached for his blade and earned a very confused look from Alec. The anxiety and horror subsided, caused by a dream he couldn’t even remember. Angel, Alec was in the institute. What time was it?

  
“I’m fine.”, he tried to look self-confident, with poor results. If he looked how he felt, then it wasn’t much of a surprise, really. Maybe Alec would let it slide. “You’re not.”, Alec moved away from the door over to him, eyes dark with concern, “You are lying, Jace.” Now his parabatai sat next to him on the bed. “I’m not lying.”, he lied badly.

  
Alec just shot him that look, rolled his eye when he saw the stubborn look in his best friend’s face and crossed his arms, signaling he was here to stay. Great. Did Jace mention what a great morning he had? Okay, apparently there was no way around this conversation. So be it. Jace would live. Probably. He opened his mouth to play it down because Alec didn’t need to worry. He was always worrying. Someone like Alec deserved to spend time with Magnus and Izzy and Max without duty to look after the train wreck of a person that was his best friend. “Listen, Jace. I can’t help you, if you don’t let me. I know there is something wrong with you and Clary, don’t deny it. I don’t need to be psychically linked to you to know that.” That prompted the other boy to close his mouth again. Could he tell Alec the truth? All of them? The answer would be yes, normally. The answer to that should always be yes but it wasn’t.

  
What would Alec say, when he found out that Jace’s soulmate was the maniac that tried to kill their baby brother? How would Izzy feel after Sebastian had used her, pretended to be her friend and then betrayed all of them. And Clary.

  
First, he avoided her because his mark disappeared when he stabbed her psycho brother and how do you explain that kind of thing to your girlfriend. Especially when she was so sure that you are her soulmate and Clary loved the legend, loved the thought of being fated to love someone; to love him. How could he take that away from her? He suppressed a laugh, because that wasn’t even the worst part: He didn’t love her anymore. No, he loved her but not romantically anymore. When they were said to be siblings it was like someone had taken the ground underneath him away. But now. Now the thought of kissing her made him cringe, just like the image of kissing Izzy would and just like the younger Lightwood Clary slowly became his sister in all but blood over the last weeks. He couldn’t bear to break her heart like this but wasn’t it also incredibly selfish not to?

  
“Alec, I-“, he started again but he couldn’t bring himself to talk about… Anything really. Burdening his brother with this was unfair. He was physically unable to. “Clary was here last night.” Alec threw in after it was clear that Jace wouldn’t finish his sentence. “She wanted to talk to you but you were in the hunter’s moon.” That wasn’t helping. If anything, it made the ball of guilt in Jace’s gut grow. Damn it.

  
“I trust you. I-“Damn it. Isn’t a little bit of the truth better than a lie? Sure, his mark reappeared, but did that necessarily mean Sebastian was alive? No, because no one heard of soulmarks reappearing in the first place. Maybe he was wrong the whole time and the older Morgenstern kid wasn’t his soulmate to begin with. Maybe he has spent way too much time thinking about this, sober and drunk.

  
“It has to do with Clary.”, he started. He had to start somewhere. Baby steps. “I- I don’t know how to say it.” Alec moved closer, a reassuring hand on his best friend’s shoulder. Jace smiled gratefully. He still thought he didn’t deserve this, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t grateful and lucky. Oh so lucky to have a family like this. “I don’t want to be with her.” “What?”, a deep fold dragged between Alexander’s eyebrows in confusion. It made him look way older than he was.“ You were sulking the whole time when she was dating Simon and-“ “We are using Simon’s name now?” Jace couldn’t fight the shit eating grin that pulled on his lips. Alec’s responding eye roll looked like his eyes might left stuck in his skull. “Don’t change the subject like this.”

  
“I don’t know what’s going on.”, Angels, how he hated to not be in control of a situation. “I guess, in my mind she is kind of stuck being my sister and now the thought of going out with her is really fucking awkward.” For a few seconds Alec stayed quiet. “You have to talk to her, explain this.”, he then said softly, understanding. How could Alex be so understanding?

  
“It’s just…”, Jace groaned in frustration. Talking about his feelings has never been his strong suit, so this was hard and very uncomfortable, even though it was Alec. “I am afraid of losing her. She became such an important part of my life. I need her, Alec. Just like I need you and Izzy and Max.” Alec smiled at him and Jace couldn’t help himself but to smile back a warm, honest smile. “Tell her exactly that and everything will be okay. She will maybe need some time, but I can tell you from personal experience that moving on from you is very possible and not as hard as you might think.” A hand dragged itself through Alec’s hair leaving it messy. Why was he that hard to reach? It was so unfair. “Rude, Alexander.”, Jace simply hummed. “What?”, the taller boy asked innocently, “It’s just the truth.”

  
Jace scoffed in a fake offended way: “Excuse me, everyone can be lucky to have a crush on me. I am amazing after all.” Eyerolling again Alec got up. “Come on Mr. Amazing, you have to shower. You smell like you died last night.” “Thank you, Alec.” And he meant that. Alec was always there, when Jace needed him, forgave him his bullshit and was quick to defend him and to lecture him, whenever he fell in too deep into the need to be perfect for others. Alec and to an extent Isabelle were the only people in his life, who were constantly honest with him and he could rely on them without a second thought, without being paranoid.

  
That in mind he played with the thought of telling Alec right here and there. He wanted to tell him about his soul mark, how he suspected it to hint to non-other than Sebastian Morgenstern himself, how much the thought of being connected to that monster like this haunted him in his sleep and every waking moment, what the fact that that was his soulmate implicated about him? Was he a monster too? He sure felt like one. The time he spent with Valentine had made him a monster. So, wasn’t that fitting that; he and the man who called himself his brother? Two men made monsters, ready to burn in hell together?

  
He stayed silent, smiled at Alec as convincing as he could and assured him that he would be shortly joining Izzy and him with breakfast. Than he rubbed his face with both his hands and tried to remember the dream that woke him. All he knew was, that it has been deeply unsettling.

  
He almost told Maia last night. Everything. He was so drunk and confused and miserable, and she was her teasingly self, ready to fill her role as bartender ‘till every last cliché. She would be understanding but wouldn’t have made a big deal out of it. They had conversations like this, when Clary and Simon were still dating and both of them still had their respective crushes. Maia also would have told him to get up his ass and talk to Clary, but she would have known how awfully helpless he tended to be when it came to his feelings. She wouldn’t have pushed too hard, just like Alec. Angels, if someone would have told him a year ago that he will have familiar feelings not for one, but for two of his kickass exes, he would have laughed until he almost suffocated. That’s how ridiculous the whole situation was.

  
His thought wandered back to Sebastian, while we absently stroked the soft skin of his wrist. The golden star hidden within the thick layer of magic, that was associated with soulmates. He supposed that in a way it made sense, even though he would have never admitted that out loud. Sebastian was probably the only person who knew what it was like to have Valentine Morgenstern as a father, to want his attention, to suffer from his manipulation and Sebastian had had it worse than him. Their father sent him to hell to burn. Still, he gave in to the picture Valentin had, became the weapon he wanted them to be, Jace didn’t. He always tried to do the right thing. That made them different.  
Jace hung on their differences like a lifebelt, like it would make the situation better. Was Sebastian alive? Who knew? Probably not. So why should he worry? He was dead. He repeated that like a mantra, ignoring the mark seemingly burning his skin. He ignored that bottomless hopelessness that came with the thought of his soulmate, something that used to make him excited for the future. Maybe it made sense, he thought again, someone like him didn’t deserve someone like Clary in a hundred years.

  
He ignored the tears burning in his eyes, when he thought about how all his friends still had a chance to be happy with their soulmates, to experience true love, how Alec already had that with Magnus. He ignored all of this, bottling it up in a place deep down his consciousness with the intent to never visiting his feelings again, to never feel this vulnerable again. He stripped off his shirt, just to be met with the ring his grandmother gave him. No, he couldn’t deal with this right now. He set the shirt aside and vanished in the bathroom, determined to forget about blue eyes, and charming grins and evil intentions and old family heirlooms. Just to forget everything making his life so difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, I hope you enjoyed the new chapter.  
> I have to admit, that writing Jace was harder, then writing Simon but I hope I managed.  
> 


	3. To not be distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you want to know who your soulmate is, Simon?”, she asked swiftly, sweetly laying a hand on his, like he did hours(?) ago with Clary.  
> -  
> In hindsight Jace should have stayed in bed. He really should have thrown a pillow at Alec and just not dealt with the world today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, 
> 
> I am sorry that it took so long but I had an exam yesterday (I probably blew it anyway...) and my beta reader was sick. Let's call her Enrico (That's a nickname bc that's what my phone autocorrected her name to a long time ago.). She is better now and I'd like to thank her at this point.
> 
> As you can see: I made up my mind how the (now) series will progress.  
> Have fun.
> 
> ~Aleks

Simon really wanted to be calm. He needed to be calm, otherwise he wouldn’t survive here long. (A part of him whispered that there was no point of staying alive in here.) (He ignored it.) With what he hoped was a neutral expression he followed the faes that picked him up, waited for him. This time around he didn’t touch any trees or bugs or really anything. Jace’s warning and the demonstration he experienced was enough to teach him that lesson.

And there they were, scarily beautiful people waiting for him patiently and smiling dangerously. They greeted him. While dancing they were exchanging friendly nothingness with him and he knew they really were checking him for weapons, but Simon was not stupid enough to bring anything here. It would have been pointless anyway.

Again, they smiled, sharp teeth oh so visible. He had an audience with the queen. How fortunate he was that their queen found a liking in him, they chirped in sweet voices, like honey. Too sweet and sticky, unwanted. He tried to calm himself, when a new wave of anxiety hit him, while they were entering a beautiful clearing. Everything here was really beautiful. But Simon had learnt so much since he became a vampire. And like most of everything else in the seelie court, every plant he saw was probably dangerous. The most gorgeous and terrifying being the queen herself. She sat in a flower throne, as adult this time. Dark red hair flowing down her shoulders like a river, tainted in blood, draped with colorful ornaments, sharp eyes digging into his skin like daggers and a smile that never reaches any sincerity, not really. Seelies can’t lie but they had ways to get around the truth quite effortlessly

“Simon.”, she spoke easy and like her fellow faes sickening sweet. “I’m pleased to have you here.” Pleased not happy. “Your presence here is ought to bring me much joy.” _Her_ not _him_. Sharpe teeth and pretty dark eyes were shining in the quiet moon light. He wanted to be calm; he wanted to say _something_. He wanted to be brave. But he could just choke out a barely hearable whisper: “Thank you, your majesty.” Another sharp smile. “You are very welcome. Please, sit.” What other choice had he but to obey her?

God, Simon couldn’t do that, he realized with a brutal Peng of panic. The queen would tear him apart one way or another and there was no way to escape. No way to resist her will in her queendom. He was trapped for all eternity, for all he knew. Forever was an awful long time, wasn’t it? He wouldn’t stay sane long, he was afraid. He-

Mute, he sat on one of the many cushions. It was too soft to be comfortable. On the narrow table in front of him, many delicious sweets were placed on filigree porcelain. All the other faes except the guards, he could see Melirion amongst the warriors, also sat, their queen right next to him. So close to her he could see that her hair accessories, weren’t accessories at all, they were real life butterflies.

“So, tell me, daylighter.” He didn’t know if he could handle this. He had to be careful with what he said and did, so that his ‘host’ wouldn’t grow bored of him. (Because that would mean his death.) “What did you do on your last day on earth?” Well, he didn’t know what stressed him more: The implication that they weren’t on earth any more (maybe some sort of magic pocket dimension or something other magical?) or the fact that he should talk about his last moments with his friends and family. The last moments, perhaps the final moments. They were his moments he couldn’t stand sharing them with the queen or really anyone.

But did he have a choice? The question was phrased like a simple request, but he wasn’t that stupid to think it actually was one. No, she was a queen; she demanded things, demanded to know about those precious last moments she _allowed_ him to have. The way Clary rolled her eyes, when he tried to comfort her, Maya, who laughed about his bad jokes, (and when he didn’t go completely crazy, a few other wolves in the jade wolf smiled too. What an accomplishment.), his sisters joyfully teasing, Raphael’s soft face…

That was his and only his to keep! Still, the queen looked at him expectantly, butterflies fluttering in her locks.  So, Simon shallowed and submitted to his fate, listing only facts, trying to keep his emotion out of his voice, anything that would betray vulnerability. And for the most part he thought he did an alright job, if the carefully hidden disappointment in the other faes faces was anything to go by. “Well.”, the queen silenced the murmur of her subjects with ease. “Did Clarissa tell Jonathan that she isn’t his soulmate?”, she asked seemingly innocent and Simon stopped in a frightening second because this was a detail, he didn’t mention. “How do you know that?”, he asked without thinking, being too distracted by the cold horror of the moment. “I didn’t tell you that…” He tried to regain control over his facia features. He was a (badass?) vampire after all. (Who was he kidding. He wasn’t badass. Raphael was thought.) (Stop it.)

The queen smiled a knowing smile. “I know many things, young vampire. (Because that wasn’t a creepy thing to say…) And since my people don’t have soulmates, it’ s always rather interesting what fade has in store for those who have. The universe works in mysterious ways, don’t you agree ?” That still didn’t answer his question, but he nodded. Slowly. Maybe he shouldn’t ask further? May-

“Do you want to know who your soulmate is, Simon?”, she asked swiftly, sweetly laying a hand on his, like he did hours(?) ago with Clary. God, was that unconfutable. And the question wasn’t any better… Did he want to know, now that he was here?

He was busy thinking because like Clary said: It was tempting. But was knowing really better? Who could say.  Not him. But he was curious, a little bit at least. But then again. His soulmate was probably mortal and would die before he could dream of leaving this place.

“Well, you seem to be very torn, my dear daylighter.”, she smiled again, but her eyes were ever so cold. “How about you show us your mark? Then the others know what I am talking about.” Was his soulmark that obvious to the faes that him showing it would reveal his soulmates identity to the others? Just like this? It couldn’t be that easy, could it? Simon could curse himself right now for his curiosity. But even if he wasn’t curios himself, it was established that he could not refuse the queen. So, he took in a slow breath and revealed his soulmark. Pretty blue flowers dancing over his skin.

Simon felt incredibly unconfutable. Everyone, except for maybe the queen, was starring at his mark. And this whole soulmate business was private, wasn’t it? But here he was exposed, and they giggled. Some of the fae honest to god giggled, when they saw the iris appearing on his skin and he had a feeling they all had a good clue who his soulmate was. Just he didn’t, being the butt of their joke.

“Please, be quiet.”, the queen shushed. Simon looked her in the eye and she met his gaze, seemingly mocking him. God, he hated it here already. I wanted someone to rescue him. He may be a vampire but faes could fight too and there were (naturally) so many here. Clary would search for him, Luke and Maya too, his mom would worry. Perhaps even the other vampires would notice his disappearance, perhaps Raphael would help the shadowhunters in the search (for Izzy of course) (not because of him)

“You know what, Simon?”, with a rapid gesture of the queen the food vanished, leaving no trace of ever being there in the first place. “I won’t tell you who your destined is. It will be way more entertaining, if you’ll find out on your own. I mean you are a very clever one, aren’t you?”, she got up and her subjects followed suit, all grace and posture. “I’ll leave you for tonight, my young vampire and you will be shown to your rooms, were you can also find something more satisfying for you to consume.” Simon had no time to be puzzled over where they got human blood for him, when the queen turned to face him a last time before leaving. “And, just to but your mind at ease, you already met the man destined for you.”

Simon stood a few more minutes dumbstruck. He knew his soulmate.

(And it was a man.)

(That would probably disappoint some of his distant relatives, who were so happy that he was not “completely gay”)

(Assholes.)

_He knew his soulmate._

In hindsight Jace should have stayed in bed. He really should have thrown a pillow at Alec and just not dealt with the world today. That would have been a way better choice but as always, he was making the wrong ones anyways.

So, instead of sleeping some more, he sat on the breakfast table, talking to Izzy, who loved teasing him about his hangover. (He deserved it.) (Probably.) It was a fairly lazy morning as lazy as it could be in a big city institute and everyone was minding their own business. Everything was fine. Until it wasn’t.

First, he had to address the elephant in the room. In this case: Clary, who seated herself next to Izzy and engaged her in a conversation, but she threw him an expecting glance now and then and he knew, _knew_ he couldn’t avoid talking about his changed feelings for her. So, yeah, other than his stressful talk with Alec and his violent headache, his morning was peaceful. (too peaceful.) (Shut up.)

But he didn’t even get to talk to her, when he finally  gathered the courage to do so, the alarm got off. Because of course it did. What did he expect? That he could have a quite moment with his family? How silly of him.  

Clary was just smiling at him, but he didn’t know if she wanted to calm him down or herself. He took her hand to reassure her (and himself too) and returned her smile, while hoping it was convincing enough. “Jace.”, she started. She was about to tell him that his behavior the last days hurt her, that it was suspicious, that she loved him. And angels! He loved her too, but not romantically. He loved her like he loved Izzy and Alec, like a sibling, a sister. This was the second time in a short time notice, that he had to reject someone’s romantic feelings because he just saw them as family. (Hallo, Alec.) But Alec moved on and was happier than he ever was having a crush on Jace. So, this wasn’t that bad. It was doable, manageable. Yes, he could do this. He could tell Clary, that they were not soulmates, that he loved her but not like she wanted him to. Will it be awful the next days/weeks? Absolutely. But this had to be done. It would not be fair if he was not honest about his feelings. He didn’t want to make her suffer like Alec probably did for years because he had hope that Jace liked him like that. It was about being clear about his feelings for both of them.

“I have to talk to you. There is no easy way to begin this, so…” She made a vague gesture; her eyes were shining he noticed and something inside him pulled painful at the sight. He really doesn’t want to hurt her. He loved her. He did. “Jace, you’re not my soulmate.”, she finally said, “I know we thought that we were but-“Jace smiled sadly, stroking his thumb over her palm. “I know.”, he whispered. And then hell broke loose. (Quite literally)

The alarm rang loud and annoying in his ears, a constant wave of noisy reminders that he had a duty to the people of this world to protect them. Sometimes, like right now, it was more of a burden than anything else. He took her hand in both of his. “We’ll have this conversation later but know that it doesn’t matter what we decide on doing later. I want you to know, that I love you, Clary.”, she smiles more genuine now, nods and wipes away tears with her free hand. Jace squeezed her hand a last time bevor letting go and acting on an impulse, planting a small kiss on the crown of her hair. “I’ll always love you.” “We went through so much together.”, she answers carefully. Probably so her voice wouldn’t shake too much. “How can we not love each other?” He hummed in agreement and let go of her completely. And just like this everything was a little lighter, even if it was just a little bit. Everything will be okay. If he said that often enough, will it be true then?

So, in fear they rushed all to the main room of the old church, to see what the matter was. Alec as the head of the institute lead their little group, Jace beside him and Izzy and Clary close behind, ready to face what ever would await them in this crisis. And a crisis it was. The whole area of New York was swarmed with demons.

Every Nephilim in the city was on high alert, arming themselves and getting ready for battle and everything was one big chaotic mess. People were partly half dressed, hectic, woken from the shrill screeching of the alarm, that still wouldn’t fucking stop, partly pacing the hall in the impatience to kill and prove themselves. Alec stepped forward, back straight, chin high, like calmness in person. Jace stood there between his sisters and was incredible proud of his brother, while he was addressing them all, managing teams and reminding them to be careful, since they still didn’t know the trigger for the attack and the giant portal to hell on cony island (because where else?).

Alec has called Magnus a while back. He and other warlocks, as the wolfpack and the vampire clan were ready to lean a helping hand. (In case of the vampires, only after sunset, naturally.) Jace saw Luke instructing his pack, when the five of them, now with Magnus by Alec’s side. Maia waved, and he decided to talk to her, thank her for last night. “Hey, pretty boy.”, she teased easily. Jace grinned. It was nice that things were so relaxed between them, even after the one-night stand and in such a tense situation. “Did you even make it home yesterday?”, she asked than. “I did.”, he nodded to some other pack members. “But I have no idea how I actually ended up in my bed anyway.” Maia shrugged: “I was kind of worrying. I didn’t saw you leave yesterday.” Jace was confused to say the least. “You didn’t? That’s… odd.” She shrugged again. “Come on, pretty boy, let’s kick some demon ass!” He rolled his eyes at her but couldn’t help grin at her fake enthusiasm. 

He went over to Izzy and Clary next, partly to know why Clarry looked so puzzled down on her phone, partly to let Magnus and Alec have space, so they could discus the plan of action for closing the portal and to investigate the magic that opened it. (Also there had to be a reason why Alec spent the first night in weeks in the institute without Magnus.)

For a moment he struggled to remember how he came home last night again, but it was no use. When he tried to force his memory to reveal the lost time all it got him was a headache and the unsettling feeling that something was very, very wrong today (Maybe it was just him being paranoid).

Clary looked troubled and he didn’t like that sight. So, he asked her about it. She seemed even more worried up close. “I wanted to ask Simon if he wanted to help, since Raphael and the others can’t fight with us right now but he isn’t answering at all and he was so weird yesterday. I-“, almost embarrassed she looked anywhere but in his direction. “We talked about you, us, and I thought that was the reason why but…“ She trailed off. “I just have a bad feeling about that.” Jace understood. “We will check on him once we finish here.”, he promised, but it would never come to that.

They fought a flood of bat shaped daemons, as big as horses, clawing at them with their razor-sharp claws, while the warlocks with Magnus in the lead forced the portal closed. It didn’t matter how close he and Magnus had became over their shared love for Alec and what a fun person he was, because Jace would always have this voice in the back of his mind reminding him just how powerful the warlock was and now more then ever was the Nephilim grateful that Magnus had his brothers’ back too. It was past dawn, when Jace started to get a little more relaxed a few remaining shadowhunter and the vampire clan was getting rid of the last demons and the aftermath of the fight, that dragged on for hours. Clary was beside him stabbing a giant bat, Izzy was in the laboratory and Alec was attending Magnus, who used too much magic to stay on the battlefield. Suddenly Raphael appeared beside them. “Isabelle said you wanted to talk to me, Clary.”, he said ignoring Jace completely. “Yes, Raphael.”, she said upset, “Have you seen Simon? I tried to reach him all day. I-“ “He was not here to help you?”, the vampire asked deliberate neutral. Jace had no idea what the vampire clan had to do with Simon these days, but that was really none of his business. “His behavior was really odd yesterday.” Clary seemed to find hope in that: “You saw him too yesterday?” If Jace did not knew any better he would have described the vampires facial expression as sad. “He apologized to me. Now that I think about it again it seemed…”, he didn’t look them in the eyes, “final.” “What-“

“I am sorry to interrupt you all.” A voice behind them, that let Jace stay frozen in place for an awful moment bevor raising his blade. “I’m here to turn myself in.”, Sebastian Morgenstern said, while fucking grinning at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, next chapter will finally focus on Sebastian, the demon toast man.
> 
> And I hope all the Clace fans out there aren't too mad at me lol


	4. Beware that demon’s wispier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I do.”, the older man wouldn’t fucking stop, “I love her.” Jace had enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!
> 
> Here we go again. I hope you are ready for Seb to get involved  
> Hope you all have fun.
> 
> ~ Aleks

Jace starred down at his friends and family and they starred back in disbelieve. Because yeah. That was it, wasn’t it? The man he “captured” grinned at them, a cold, calculating grin. His nose was bleeding because Jace punched him in the face. In his defense: wasn’t that anyone’s first instinct upon seeing their believed dead enemy/ secret soulmate? Because Jace thought that was a really good reason to punch someone in the face. (His humble opinion on that matter anyways.)

He didn’t know what to say. He should tell them; he knew that. “What does he want here?”, he asked under his breath, even though he was there, when they encountered him in the streets together with Clary and Raphael. The man in quotation just grinned as if he had the time of his life. (Between Hell and Valentine? More likely than you think) “The better question is: Why did you bring him in here with so little restriction?”, Magnus didn’t look amused and Jace didn’t blame him. This situation was confusing as shit and that was probably what Sebastian was aiming for. “He turned himself in.”, the vampire answered in his place and frankly Jace was glad for that because that meant he could hold his anger (and panic) (but mostly anger) in check. “He didn’t say why, and he didn’t resist coming here. Dios, Jace even punched him in the face and he let that slide.”

Alec looked tense. Of course, Sebastian would have some ulterior motives coming to them, knowing he will be a highly guarded prisoner, that he would have a (hardly fair) trail in Idris, especially since the clave couldn’t get their hands on Valentine before his death. Not to mention the personal grudge the Lightwood family held against him. So why? Why going to all of this? Clary wasn’t in any better position than Alec. Unlike her brother she wore her emotions on her sleeves and you didn’t need to know her well, to see how angry she was at Sebastian too. Knowing Alexander, he probably was worrying that the two of them would do something stupid like murdering Seb’s demon blooded ass right then and there (he had to admit it _was_ tempting) but he knew that they had to be smarter than this. A lot smarter.

“Okay put him in a cell and give it the highest security clearing. No one will go down there without me knowing, I am going to inform the clave. No matter what you do, be careful. Johnathan Morgenstern is a highly dangerous individual. Stay safe.” Jace nodded shortly, making his way down to the dungeon to put his soulmate in a high-tech glass cell. The man himself was suspiciously still next to him. Still and collected. Before he was extremely easy to irritate but now Jace got him a bloody nose and the jerk wasn’t betting an eye. Jace was tense too. Sebastian was starring at him the whole time they interacted even though they weren’t talking, and he had this horrible voice in the back of his mind telling him that he knew. Was he crazy? He died, so, there was a chance that Sebastian knew, and it scared him.

And he had so many questions. How was Sebastian alive? How did he survive the fall and his wounds? No, he did know, that he didn’t survive. That brought him back to his first question. And by the angels, what did he want here? (except driving Jace insane.) “You know.”, Sebastian’s voice startled him, like Jace was shocked with electricity, the fake British accent giving his words an elegant flow. “We have a lot to talk about, haven’t we, brother?” Jace ignored him with gritted teeth.

They entered the cell and Jace forced Sebastian to sit in the chair binding him with rune heavy chains. “You can’t put that conversation off forever, Jace. We will talk about it. I can tell you that.”, the sound of his words ringing in Jace’s ears like the alarm hours ago. The other shadowhunters threw him confused looks but he ignored them too. He just couldn’t handle this right now. (He wondered if he would ever be able to.)

Jace looked in Sebastian direction and regretted it instantly. The Morgenstern kid healed his head high, the side of his lip curled upwards into a lopsided grin. Even the half-dried blood around his nose didn’t make him look less confident in his plan or whatever. His blue eyes were shining with something that reminded him painfully of Clary, of all the things he loved about her, in what felt a life time ago. And for a moment he could imagine it, you know? That in another life, when Sebastian would not have been a homicidal monster, Jace could be fiercely attracted to him. That thought was fucking scary. With that eyes, that bore a fire Jace used to love to see so much (but with Clary it felt just not right anymore), the elegant and dangerous efficiency he killed or really did everything. It was intriguing but it was not nearly enough to outweigh all the horrifying thing this man did and still planned to do. The dry humor he showed while he was part of the institute, the pain they shared. Jace couldn’t ignore (no matter how much he tried) that the man was the only other person who knew what it was like to be raised by Valentine and his madness. The only one.

But thinking about what ifs wouldn’t do him any good, he had to focus on the facts before him.  Also he was very reluctant when it came to his attraction to men. He felt guilty when it came down to it because of Alec. That he was attracted to men, just not to Alec. He felt so bad about hurting his friend, like this. To believe that Jace was exclusively attracted to women was easier than hurting him more by telling him he was just not his type. (At least that was what Jace was telling himself at night) But again, that the blonde had physical appeal didn’t change anything. (That wasn’t even his real physical appearance, mind you, he was an actual burned piece of bread) Sebastian was a monster and he would suffer for all the pain he caused Jace’s family and friends. They would find out about his plans and prevent them from happening. That was part of his duty as a shadowhunter, soulmate or not. With a last glance at Sebastian’s direction, Jace scoffed and left the cell. He needed to get his mind straight, away from all that soulmate business.

Simon groaned. He couldn’t sleep, and he was hungry, but he would be dammed if you would touch the blood the seelies gave him. He remembered the warning that if you eat here, you will have to stay here for the rest of your life. For a vampire that was an awful amount of time. So, he lied awake, his thoughts cycling around his soulmate because what else could he really do. Sleeping was not really an option. Everything around him was so strange and too friendly. He felt trapped in all that niceties, trapped in this place he didn’t belong to. But where did he belong to? To the New York institute with Clary and Jace and the Lightwoods? So many other shadowhunters where racist and boycotted against downworlder. With his family? He loved them all to bits, but they were mortal and aged, and he didn’t. They would eventually grow suspicious of his state and even if he told them, he had to bury them sooner or later anyhow. To the wolf pack then? Except for Maya and Luke all the werewolves didn’t trust him because of the long history of betrayal between vampires and wolves.  And the New York clan? He definitely blew that, even if Raphael wanted to forgive him, he couldn’t. So, that wasn’t an option either.

His restless eyes searched for something that wasn’t there in the darkness of his flowery room, while his thoughts got back to his soulmate for what felt the fifth millionth time this day alone. The queen didn’t want to see him today, so he stayed in and stayed hungry and alone with his thoughts. Maybe she waited for him to eat, to seal his fate here, to be miserable. Who could be his soulmate? He knew, that the queen just mentioned it to torture him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He thought of all the men in his life (That was in fact very easy because there weren’t that many of these days) Magnus, Alec and Luke were out of it because their soulmate was known, and Simon had no real romantic interested in them too. So, it was fine.

He didn’t really believe it was Jace either. Because even though Simon could not deny that Jace was attractive (And that boy knew he was good looking. Simon didn’t really want to boost his ego further) but he wasn’t Simon’s type. Apart from the fact that Simon was very sure that Jace was obviously straight. And in love with is best friend that happened to be female. Not that that mattered anyway because Simon couldn’t not bring himself to think that Jace could be his soulmate, even though he knew that he wasn’t Clary’s.

That left other vampires, right? Because it would be too tragic if someone mortal was his soulmate (Then again, Magnus and Alec had that problem, but it was not his business to bug them about it) He kind of wished for it to be Raphael. There was that tiny bit of hope that kept him awake. Hope that the unrequired crush he had on Raphael for months now, wasn’t that unrequired, that they were meant to be. But that was ridiculous wasn’t it? Raphael was decades older than him. He was a better vampire than Simon. He had not so much as spared Simon a second glance, even when they lived together in the hotel. Hell, Simon didn’t even know if the other man liked boys. So, it was way more likely that his soulmate was someone he didn’t knew that well then? Someone who maybe- Simon trailed off for a moment when a thought hit him. He was a vampire. He died. So, logically his soulmate’s soulmark (whatever it was) had to have vanished before Raphael turned him. If the other vampire was his soulmate, then he knew. He knew since then and he wouldn’t have said anything. That was proof then. Raphael wasn’t his soulmate. He could not be. But Simon wanted him to be.

Simon was attracted to Raphael the first moment he saw him and then he kidnaped him so that was that. But after he saved his life by turning him, Simon couldn’t deny that he was upset at first, but he also had to admit that he was grateful when he thought about it. This way he could be there for his friends and family in a way he could not as a mundane (or dead for that matter). And when he learned more about the vampire that was so annoyed with him, Simon’s attraction only grew. Raphael was sassy, always quick to tease his friends and Simon wanted to be his friend. His suits were imported to him as was his faith. Something that Simon helped with his own faith because when Raphael could be a Catholic vampire, he could be a Jewish one.

Raphael also seemed to get his loyalty to Clary and his family and now that Isabelle told him about his sister (Simon tried to ignore how much Izzy’s fling with his crush hurt him because the Nephilim was his friend) (But he didn’t tell her, so it was his own fault) he kind of felt a little closer to him. However, he turned it, he was definitely smitten with the other man, and it didn’t matter because if Raphael was his soulmate, he already knew and ignored it. And he just couldn’t bear that. Being in love with your soulmate and being rejected like that, god, what a cruel fate. Simon wanted to scream but it was no use. He was in his way to comfortable room in the seelie court and Raphael was in New York dealing with the vampire’s bullshit.

Simon kind of wished he could talk to Magnus. The older man was way more experienced with life (for obvious reasons), but except for Clary and Maya the only ones of his new friends that knew of his pansexuality. Nobody knew of his little (not so little) crush on the other vampire and he somewhat regretted not telling at least anyone about it (Of course telling Raphael was the ideal but let’s be honest here, he could be such a coward) He wondered if Raphael thought of him sometimes, if they could have been friends, but that was no use he knew that.

Clary was staring at Sebastian through the glass and that asshole stared back when Jace entered the room. He approached her in big steps, his hand laying on her shoulder gently. “Clary.”, he said. He knew that Sebastian couldn’t hear him but talking to Clary knowing that he was right there was awkward to say the least. “Did you still not reach Simon?” She just shook her head. Jace was struggling for words. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew now was the moment to break up with her before he didn’t have the chance to do so, but she was faster than him. “This is not going to work out is it?”, she asked still facing her brother but squeezing the hand on her shoulder. “Yes, I’m afraid so. I love you, Clary, but like a sister.” Finally, she turned around to look him in the eyes. “I love you too.”, she whispered, then she left the room.

Jace sighted and slipped into the cell once more propping himself in front of the chair in what he hoped was a threatening manner. Sebastian seemed not impressed but when was he really? “You know it, don’t you.”, hissing he squatted down to look in the way too handsome face. “Know what?” He was grinning that annoying grin of his. “I am afraid I don’t know what you are talking about, Jace.” More annoyed than before Jace dragged a hand through his blonde hair. And on an instinct, he revealed his soulmark. Sebastian remained silent for a moment, watching the golden star on Jace’s skin.  “So, it is you then?” “You knew after all?” The man shrugged vaguely: “I guessed.” He made an effort to lean forward in his chained position, so his face was closer to his brother’s. “I actually still hoped it was Clary.” Honestly, Jace still wanted to punch him in the face. (Many, many times) Instead he started to whisper again: “You are the only sick fuck who wants their sister to be his soulmate.” How can someone be so unphased by their own bullshit? “I call you my brother too and you seemed to be my soulmate, so what’s the difference?” Was he stupid or- “The difference is that we are not fucking blood related, you-“

Jace was overwhelmed with the need to hurt Sebastian. Maybe it was because he hated Valentine, maybe it was because of Max. Maybe just because he could, that he was right there in reach. “You need me to find Simon.”, Sebastian addressed him again. “What?” Jace looked him in the way too blue eyes. “What do you know about what happened to Simon?” “I have my contacts.” Jace doubted that. “Listen, Jace. Believe it or not: I’m here to help you.” Scoffing Jace tried to bring more space between him and Sebastian. “Sure, you are.” “No, you don’t understand. The queen was ready to work with Valentine before he died.” “And? So, were you.” “I understand that you don’t trust me but-“Sebastian seemed earnest and that scared Jace because what if he was honest for once? No, he was a lair. A dirty lair. “but Simon is important to Clary and I would do anything to make Clary happy. I love her.”

Jace sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose. That was too much. He wanted to tell him that he really didn’t, that his idea of love was seriously fucked up, that Clary will never feel the same for him, that he would never love him, but he stayed silent. “I do.”, the older man wouldn’t fucking stop, “I love her.” Jace had enough. Screw all of this. “Clary doesn’t care about you. She was actually relieved when you died.” Grinding his teeth Sebastian obviously struggled for self-control; his eyes were colored black for a moment or two. “I don’t care that you are my soulmate, I hate you! But what will your little friends think if they find out, huh?”, where his voice was smooth earlier, now it was a deep dangerous growling. This ass was finally showing his true colors and Jace wasn’t intimidated by him, not the slightest. “Whatever the hell you think we need you for, be assured that we really don’t, not Clary” He stood up, hovering over his grimacing features “nor me.” As person. _As my soulmate_ , was left unsaid.

“Are you ready to come back to me later, brother?”, Sebastian’s words glossed over Jace like honey, sickening sweet, leaving him sick to the stomach, no traces of the earlier slip of anger and his demon attributes. “Because I have information about the queen you need, and Isabelle’s friend can confirm it.” Jace’s own anger boiled deep in his guts. In this aspect they were quit similar, quick tempered and way too easy to provoke. He tried to better himself at least, if that counted for anything. Jace didn’t look back when he left him to rot, for all he cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rescue mission next time? We'll see.


	5. Into the lion's den.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We are here to save you.”, Jace said helpfully. (Because you know Simon thought they came for a chat.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys.  
> I'm sorry that I am so late. I was busy with uni stuff  
> I have seen the new episode but the'll not influence this fic

He has no idea if this was it. And this was a stupid idea. And how did Simon even get into this situation. in the first place? Jace was short for words when he looked at Meliron again. The friend of Izzy’s Sebastian was talking about. “The vampire made a deal with our queen who is very interested in him since he is a daylighter.” Jace was caught by surprise by how tense Raphael looked when he heard the fae’s words. „That is how he got the queen to return Maya.”, Clary said matter-of-factly. Meliron nodded shortly.

“But the queen is ignoring him for a while now.”, he carried on, “Its been almost a whole day and he hasn’t eaten anything yet.” “That’s good, isn’t it?”, Clary tried to ban the hope that bubbled up in her out of her voice but failed doing so, “That means we can still save him.” Everybody stayed silent for a moment because yes, technically they had still time, but how do you steal someone away from the seelie queen?

Meliron looked at Isabelle who was seated on a couch between her brother and his boyfriend. “I can grant you access tot our realm, but I can’t help you getting the vampire out.” Jace looked eyes with the stoic, beautiful fae. He didn’t know if they could trust them. Sebastian’s words were haunting him like a ghost. The queen was ready to work with Valentine; he couldn’t ignore that. Just because they couldn’t lie, it didn’t mean that his motives were innocent.

“A source told me, that your queen had plans to help Valentine Morgenstern.”, he tried to be casual about it. The fae didn’t had to know about their prisoner. (Alec looked like he wanted to slap him.) (Probably because he didn’t tell him that first. _Well_.) “That is unfortunally true.”, his face didn’t betray anything, but his voice waved a little with something Jace believed was disgust (Understandable.) “That horrible man knew our majesty’s name. She had no other choice to bent to his will.” “Okay.”, Alec’s eyebrows were burring down in his face. “We have to be smart about this. We can’t just go down there without a plan.”, he looked at Jace and Clary (fair enough).

Jace first made eye contact with Alec again than with Magnus. He had to tell them what Sebastian said. But not with Meliron in the room. The fae seemed to get the clue, told Izzy that he’d see them later and ignored the rest of them (rude) and left Alec’s office. “Sebastian said he had information about the queen we need. I believe he knows her name too.”, he blurred out. So much about being subtle. Well. Clary tensed up. Raphael showed his fangs subconsciously. “I think we can use it, _him_ to get Simon back.” “Jace, that is a really bad idea.”, Alec looked troubled. Magnus took his hand in silent support. “I don’t like it either, Alexander but what else can we do? A deal is a deal.”

Jace really didn’t think Magnus would take his side but he was grateful. He should tell them, tell them the truth about his soulmark and his connection to the Morgenstern kid. He should at least tell Alec. He knew that. But he felt really bad about it. He didn’t want to make himself so vulnerable. He couldn’t. it went against everything that he was thought as a kid by Valentine and even though he knew that he should not rely on that knowledge, that Valentine was a sick racist, he had those values internalist and it was hard for him to go against them. (He wondered if Sebastian had the same problem.)

“We have to use him. That is the fastest way to get Simon back.”, Jace reached for Clary’s hand and she was shooting him a weak smile. Jace hated to admit it but that loud vampire grew on him; he considered him a friend. (Not that he would ever say it out loud to that nerd.) (Angel, he missed him already) Alec seemed to try and figure something else out, desperately. Torn, Jace got up over to both Magnus and Alec to try and talk to his brother. Isabelle took Clary’s hand after him whispering to her friend to cheer her up a little.

“Jace, we can’t-“, Alec stopped himself when he saw his brothers face, the anxiety in it. Magnus gave them both a considering look, then pecked a kiss on his boyfriends cheeck and left the room with both girls in tow who to Jaces surprise weren’t complaining. Raphael following them with a bit of space between them. “What are you not telling me?” Well, Alec wasn’t fucking around. Okay. Know was a good moment to tell him the truth. It was not that big of the deal. He had no love left for his soulmate and would never. The magic ink on his arm was meaningless. Alec would not hold this connection against him, never, not Alec. So, why on earth was he so embarrassed to just get it over with? _Because saying it would make it real_ ; a small voice provided. No, it was what he had to do. With worry Alec touched his hand, a silent prompt to speak. A sigh. And Jace just reveled his soulmark, to Alec’s confusion. The golden star, glamming on his skin, seemingly mocking him. Once upon a time he was so sure it meant to represent Clary, but he was so wrong. “Sebastian is my soulmate Alec. That’s why I broke up with Clary because we all know how much she wants to meet her soulmate. You are the first person I’m telling this, but I think Sebastian knows. I also think he is telling the truth about Simon and the queen. Whatever his plan is, saving Simon is part of it.”

Alec didn’t say a word during his brother’s whole monologue just let go of his hand, what left Jace with a bitter feeling of abandonment before the Lightwood kid pulled him in a bone crushing hug. “Jace, you are my brother, I will always love you, no matter who your soulmate is.” Jace never mentioned anything about him leafing him, but Alec knew that deep down he worried. He always knew and Jace still always worried.

When Alec let go of him, he held his brother on his shoulders away from himself to look him in the eye. “Is everything alright again?” A lot of things were not alright. Simon was kidnapped, Sebastian was in their basement planning something, Jace would possibly die alone, but he nodded and thanked Alec for his sympathy. “Don’t thank me so soon.”, he remarked obviously not happy with the development of the situation, “We have a few hours before sun rise. When we are clever about it we could steal away Jonathan and rescue Simon before anyone notices our absence.” “You would do that for Clary?”, Jace asked with a knot of guilt in his guts (Always guilt.) Alec was the head of the institute now. He shouldn’t risk his position for stupid errands like this, but Alexander was smiling at him. “You love Clary, even when it’s just platonic, you love her and that makes her family.” Jace took Alec’s face in his hands, putting their foreheads together (He had to go on his tiptoes for that) (Damn, Alec’s height.) “Thank you. I love you too.” And he meant it.

Alec pulled hand cuffs out of one of the cabinets, one with a long and heavily runed chain. When Jace gave him a funny look than, he rolled his eyes “Aldertre left them here.”, he explained, “Those are old relics, used to move prisoners, they prevent one cuffed individual to activate any runes. The other cuff is for a guard. I will-“ but Jace already knew what he wanted to say. “No, I will chain that maniac to me. He is my problem after all.” “Jace-“ “No. I can handle him better. You already take a risk by allowing this. I will not endanger you further.” Alec sighed but stopped arguing: “Fine, but don’t get yourself killed again.” “you know I can’t promise that.”

They made their way down to Sebastian’s cell with the others closely following, after explaining their plan. Everyone was on board with it. Even Raphael said he’d come with, because it was vampire business (Jace didn’t quiet believe him but they didn’t have time for many questions)“Oh, look the whole gang is here. Minus the werewolves of course.”, his smile was almost genuine. Or so it seemed. “Hallo Clarissa.” Jace placed himself between the Morgenstern’s, taking Clary’s wrist for a moment to signal her to keep calm, because they needed him for this, for Simon. “No one is talking to me? How boring.” Fighting the ever-present urge to punch his soulmate in the face, Jace watched Alec putting on Sebastian’s handcuff, and an additional one that held his hands together and then his own, before releasing him from his chair.

Seb stretchered as much as possible and looked around. “So, you finally got that you need me for this?” Jace felt weird. The chain weighing on his wrist, the one where the soulmark was. How fitting he thought scuffing. Sebastian looked at him. “Hello there, Jace, nice to see you again.” What a sarcastic asshole. It had been minutes since they have seen each other last. (Maybe chaining himself to his soulmate was a bad idea after all.) (Shut up) Sebastian should really just be quiet. (too) Clary left with Izzy who was all in mission mode ready to kick some ass. The two were off to arm themselves. Alec, Magnus and Raphael were discussing a plan with Meliron who knew the outline of the queen’s palace. Jace’s gaze graced Sebastian who grinned at him from a comfortable distance away. (Thank the angel that the chain was long enough for that)

“If you try anything funny, you are dead. I hope you know that.”, Jace had a feeling that this would not end well but it was too late for regrets anyhow. Sebastian, not impressed, came closer. Ugh. “Of course, you are the kind of person who would kill their soulmate. You already did it once.”, he said dully. “Listen, I don’t care that you are my soulmate.”, he whispered back and Sebastian’s face grew smug. Bastard. “I don’t want to be with you; I don’t want to have anything to do with you at all.” “Great, that makes two of us.”, Sebastian pulled a little on the chain that connected them. “I will show you no mercy when this is over.” Whatever that was supposed to mean. If Jace was honest here for a moment, he was just waiting for an excuse to kill Jonathan. All their lives would be easier without him. So, who would blame him, when in the heat of battle, he killed him. No one would care, and Sebastian knew that.

The trip to the nearest river was quick. Jace kind of worried for Raphe since him coming bore a great risk. They didn’t know if they would make it before dawn, but Magnus stopped him from digging deeper with this line of questioning and well the vampire was old enough to make his own decisions.

The forest in front of the court lied in silver moon light, beautiful and terrifying. The shadowhunters were on high alert, weapons drawn and careful tiptoeing around the grass. Sebastian was watching him. Jace felt his gaze in his neck, like the chain on his wrist, a weight that waited to pull him down. He had to ignore all that and find Simon, so they could leave as soon as possible. The only reason Sebastian was there was that they had something to blackmail the queen with if it came to that. He was not more than a book that contain a piece of information they needed and after that he was useless and would rot in a cell.

Meliron left like a shadow, swiftly. Jace was thankful that he helped them as much as he did since this could end badly for the fae but knew it was out friendship to his sister Isabelle. They entered the beautiful building that seemed to be woven out of flowers and sunshine (He hoped it was not the case, because of the vampire they had with them) When he came closer he saw that it was made out of a golden kind of wood, glimmering with magic and in a certain sense almost hypnotic. And they tried to follow Melirions directions to Simons room as good as they could, but it was challenging. Something about this place was incredibly hostile and he didn’t want to find out what exactly. (Let’s be honest here for a moment: They were all following Magnus who was barely affected by the confusing magic of the place.) (Alec looked so proud; good for them)

The chain around his wrist made it impossible to ignore Sebastian, who was suspiciously quiet the whole time. His gaze glued to his sister’s back. And God was Jace _angry_ because of this. Clearly Clary was only focused on finding Simon (He remembered the nights when she confessed that she felt so guilty, felt like she _failed_ Simon.) but Jace could tell from her body language how uncomfortable she was and so he gritted his teeth and tucked harder on the chain than strictly necessary for the asshole to follow him. Instead of getting the fucking hint, the taller man grinned at him (again), after catching up to him seemingly effortless. “Is something wrong, brother?”, he chirped smugly. Why was he like that?

Jace ignored him; tried to do so anyway. Isabelle shoot him a worryful look but he shook his head. He had that under control, both his soulmate and his anger. Simon was more important right now.

They didn’t notice the little firefly following them.

Simons room looked just like all the other rooms on the wide corridor. How were Magnus and Raphael so sure it was the right one? Jace had no clue but trusted them regardlessly. With a few graceful gestures and magic Magnus opened the door.

Simon heard something outside of his room and tensed. For a moment he thought he just imagined the sounds, brushed it off with his lack of sleep. But after a while it was clear that the voice he heard was really there so… What could he do now? If there were seelies outside to hurt him (?), he didn’t really stand a chance against them, vampire or not.

So, he was ready to attack when the door swung open to revile Raphael (and Magnus). And a wave of relief washed over him. Not only were the downworleders here, but also his shadowhunter friends. (God, did he have good friends.) “Simon!” Clary rushed foreword and pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Isabelle was right behind her, smiling brightly at him and hugging him too, after their friend released him, telling him how glad she was that he was in fact unharmed. He couldn’t do anything other than put his arms around both of them too. “We are here to save you.”, Jace said helpfully. (Because you know Simon thought they came for a chat.) Now the younger vampire finally noticed the shadowhunter who was definitely not his friend. Behind Jace Jonathan or Sebastian (?) stood, smirking.

“What is he doing here?”, Simon hissed. “Like Jace just told you.”, the Morgenstern’s tone seemed particularly bored, “We are here to save you. That includes me. Believe it or not.”

“What.”  Simon must have seemed kind of dumbstruck in this moment but to his credit: How likely was it that your best friends evil (dead?) (undead?) sibling came to your aid in times of need? Sebastian rolled his eyes at him, theatrical. Both Jace and Raphael glared at him, to Simon’s relief. At least they weren’t friendly with him.

Rather than to interrogate why the presumed dead, murderous, secret brother was there with them, Simon approached Raphael who looked kind of annoyed. But when did he not? Simon wanted answers. But he was nervous. And he figured if the other vampire was his soulmate, he could just ask. (Not right here but since they didn’t really see each other anymore, they should at least be on speaking terms again.) So, he gathered all of his courage to try to-

Magnus chimed in, before anyone could say anything further, with Alec on his heels: “Guys, I don’t want to rush a good reunion or anything, but we should get going.”

As if they just waited for a good cue, the roof of the room was blown up, with a mighty wind blow and the seelie queen was descending to them, angry and inhuman. (Seriously: did she wait outside to make a perfect dramatic entry?) With a flicker of her wrist she slammed Magnus against a wall preventing him from using magic and leaving Alec and Raphael helpless worrying for his wellbeing.

“I actually thought of ways to punish all of you for dishonoring the deal the daylighter has with me, to make you all suffer”, her voice rolled over them like thunder, she looked beautiful and terrifying all at once. “But I have a better idea.”

Suddenly Simons vision blurred, and everything was a twirl of color, so bright it was almost hurtful. He tried to hold on to Clary, Magnus, _anyone_ but it was no use. Simon would lie if he said he wasn’t afraid because really anything could happen now. They were all left at the mercy of an immortal being who saw them as nothing more then a way to pass the time. For a moment Simon feared that they would die; that his friends would die because they wanted to help him. At least he hoped that Maya was okay, when he closed his eyes, submitting to whatever fate the queen decided for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw I'd like to thank all the new (and old) subscribers!


	6. A Summer night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And Simon found himself wanting to kiss Raphael very, very bad.

Jace woke up and was really fucking disoriented. (Okay, he was definitely not in his bed back in the institute) (That itself was not a reason to worry) He felt the cold, hard ground beneath him and- Where was he in the first place? He tried to remember but- First he had to get up. And that was more difficult than one might think.

Something on his wrist was pulling him back down; crushing down almost painfully.

Jace opened his eyes with annoyance to see what kept him in this uncomfortable position. Next to him a few centimeters away an unconscious Sebastian laid in the dirt. He was pale, looked almost dead. Jace reached out to feel the older boys pulse (you were allowed to dream, weren’t you?) but this shit head was very alive, unfortunately. For a moment he had to think about Clary. How he looked, when he died in her arms. Had he been that pale? Paler? A sickening wave of guilt rolled through him. How did she feel? How did Alec feel? How-

This was a useless waste of energy. worrying like this: It just made the guilt worse, the feeling of being not good enough for his friends. And really, he was an asshole. He knew that. But knowing and changing were two entirely different things, he was afraid. (At the very least he was self-aware)

Now to his shitty adopted brother slash soulmate slash mortal enemy (The last one was a bit dramatic but well). For a moment he debated whether he should simply kick him in the face but to his disappointment (?) the demon spawn beat him to the decision by waking up. Just like Jace minutes before he was confused to where they were, that until understanding graced his features. Simon. The seelie queen’s dramatic ass entrance. They still seemed to be inside the fae realm, inside some horror-ish forest. Great.

The trees were large, bare and such a dark brown color, they appeared pitch black. Jace could barely see anything ahead of him. Finding the others would be a challenge but even thought he was worried he knew they all could take care of themselves.

Clearly annoyed with his soulmate, Sebastian tried a few times to get up, but to his irritation Jace made no attempt to help him or making it easier by positioning the chain differently. By the time the Morgenstern kid was on his feet, Jace had a lot of fun. He knew that this might cost them time to find the others but is was way to entertaining and like we established before: Jace Herondale was an asshole and he kind of loved it. (At least when it came to people he hated)

“Say, brother.”, Sebastian’s smooth voice tore him out of his amusement, almost violently. “You don’t know where we are right now, by any chance, do you?” “No, but definitely still in the fary realm.”, he shrugged, “We should search for the others and go get out of here.” Seb seemed to suppress the urge to roll his eyes on him. “I thought we will stay a little longer, have a chat with the queen you know? Since we’re basically stealing her property.” “Simon is not her property.”, Jace answered a little too fast and earnest. When did he become so defensive over that dork?

Sebastian just shrugged, mimicking him earlier: “Tell that to her.”

Without anything more to say the started walking into the forest. Jace was mindful enough to hold up his witch light. The heavenly light producing enough range to see what was eminently in front of them.  Jace was thankful that Alec made him pack all his equipment, so that they could handle this situation better.

Their feet clatched against the way to hard ground: An unbearable loud sound in the darkness and silent around him. Sebastian bumped expectantly into him and grumbling he took out his steele to activate the silent rune, first his, than he lifted Sebastian shirt to do the same.  The prick was grinning at him then.

“I don’t even understand why you are here.”, Jace told him, still walking through the darkness, “There is nothing left for you here.” Sebastian gave him a considering look and then sighed. “Honestly, Jace, are you expecting me to share my-“, his voice was a soothing whisper, and dripped full of sarcasm- “my _evil masterplan_ , if I had something like this, with you?” Jace just made a vouge gesture. You only knew if you tried, right?

Jace didn’t even know why he made the effort to talk to him. Maybe it was the deep-rooted need for understanding. Sebastian was paradox in this aspect. He could understand Jace like no one else in the world could because of what Valentine did to both of them, but on the other hand they could not have more different values to follow.

“Are you here because of Clary? Because you think you love her?” Jace also didn’t know why he still pressed. But, yeah, he loved Clary too. He would do anything for her, still. And wasn’t Sebastian the same in his really fucked up manner. (The huge deferens was that, Jace didn’t want to fuck his hypothetical (blood related) sister)

Sebastian obviously struggled to keep his cool. For a moment Jace thought that he should have asked differently. So that he didn’t offend the other but than scoffed hearable. He asked to get answers, not to appeal to this maniac. “I do love her.”, his brother hissed, visibly angry. Then his facial expression softened: “She is everything. Everything I got left.” And damn. That hit to close to home for Jace. He was violently remembered of the time he thought his father died. Of the pain the loneliness. What would he have done without the Lightwoods who became such an important part of his life?

He knew Sebastian was staring at him, studying his face, but he could not say anything right now. Damn it he had to control his emotions. Without another word he kept walking, stubbornly ignoring his soulmate’s glances.

Simon woke up, way earlier than Jace in an entirely different part of the forest, on that was light, full of lightning bugs and bathed in rich moonlight but he hadn’t had time to admire it. He woke up to the feeling of someone watching him. And with a jolt he was jumping a few meters away from the supposedly danger, only to find Raphael sitting there with an unreadable expression. And then, if the situation wasn’t embarrassing enough, he tripped because of course he did.

How long he sat there starring Simon could not say. Honestly, he was sick of it. Raphael was always catching him off guard like that.

“Hey, buddy, long time no see! I- “, and he was bubbling again. Why did the other vampire him so nervous?  

For a Moment Raphael looked like he wanted to say something, something that lied just on the tip of his tongue. But he just sighed, as if he was feed up with Simon’s jumpiness. (Something he couldn’t really hold against him.)

But in another surprising turn of events (Honestly Simon was so bad at reading Raphael, everything was kind of unexpecting) Raphael got up and walked over to him in normal speed, rather than vampire speed, as if not to scare him away and wow. He looked really nice in that suit in the moonlight, Simon had to admit and, okay. How had he been ignoring his attraction to the other man for so long? Because now it was almost unbearable obvious.

Like the idiot the felt he was Simon blinked down on the hand Raphael was offering him. To get up again, of course. He was still sitting on the, rather comfortable grass. “We don’t have all night, Simon.”, Raphael sounded almost amused but then his tone turned bitter fast, “At least I don’t.” And here they were again. It wasn’t that Simon didn’t trust Raphael with the secret of how he became a daylighter. He could barely call it that. He just knew that it had something to do with Jace’s enhanced angel blood and he would not risk a friend’s health like that (Jace probably didn’t see him as friend but that was beside the point). Simon took Raphael’s hand with more force than strictly necessary. “Like I told you before I honestly don’t know how I became a daylighter.”, he lied. (It was not really a lie, was it?)

Raphael huffed he used their still intervened hands to pull Simon more forward, so close in fact, that they could feel each others breath on their faces. And Simon’s dead heart was beating like crazy (And he was ignoring how impossible that was) For a tiny moment Simon thought- Who was he kidding? Hoped that Raphael was about to kiss him. (He could blame it on the romantic location, or his stupid romantic, song-writer heart.)

That was already incredibly cheesy and embarrassing, but it was what it was. God, he hated himself for being so weak. But on the other hand, he was just so _close,_ right fucking there. If he just moved his face a little bit, they would kiss, and it drove him insane to say the least.

Raphael looked him in the eye. Probably searching for a lie. He undoubtedly heard the loud heart beat of the other vampire. Simon prayed that he wouldn’t read too much into it, that he would just let it go. With an annoyed gesture Raphael wiggled his hand out of Simons, who tried to not be too sad about the sudden loss. “I don’t believe you.” Oh no, not like this. Simon was done feeling sad; he was angry too! Why couldn’t he just let that go? Why- Way too much anger crawled underneath his skin. Not only the way Raphael mistreated him, but Clary, Jace, the frustration about his soulmark the queen planted in him… God, damn it: He was hungry! It was all way too much and it was so close to just bursting out of him. He wouldn’t take any shit from Raphael for his decisions, not today.

“Of course, you don’t believe me, but what can I do? I already told you the truth.” He stated to push the other man, who let go of his hand but had not moved away from him. “What should I do? Tell me.” “Simon.”, his voice was low and dangerous ~~and sexy~~. “Don’t test me like that.” With a scoff Simon pushed again, pushed him against a tree, only to hover over him as intimidating as he could (Read: Not so much.) Simon was lucky that Raphael wasn’t seriously fighting him, or the leap of vampire experience would work to his disadvantage. But he was tired of acting like he was defenseless.

“I can’t make you believe me, if you don’t want to but I have a question of my own I wanted to ask…”, he murmured against the older boy’s skin, being practically in his face again. God, the anxiety was unbearable, but he had to know. (Would Raphael lie to him if he asked?) “Simon…”, Raphael repeated, softer this time, laying a hand on his shoulder. A silent plead to not ask and now he basically knew, didn’t he? Raphael was his soulmate and he hated him. That was it then. But- No. He needed to hear it or he would never able to make peace with this whole soulmate business. His sighed once, as if to search for his bravery.

“Are you my soulmate, Raphael? Did you know since the day I died?”

Raphael didn’t look him in the eye. He looked over his shoulder at some plant far away. Simon sucked in his breath in a shaky attempted not to cry because that was the last thing he needed right now. But it was all too much. Everything. This was just the last straw on a very shitty week.

“You said that you don’t believe me and here you are lying to me all this time!” He was angry again with himself, and sad and disappointed. Raphael’s focus snapped back to him. “You stand here and throw around accusations! You are the one who left me for the girl you were so obviously in love with!”

“ I didn’t know! I thought…”, he stopped. “Yeah.”, Raphaels voice was almost a whisper, “You thought she was your soulmate. What could I have done to change your mind. You love her. And I suspected you when my soulmark disappeared when you died. I didn’t know just then. It could have been a coincidence.” “What kind of coincidence-“ A dirty look, okay he’ll shut up.

“But I did know when you stayed in the hotel with us.”

Simon was confused. With a sigh and an eye roll that could have been playful when the situation would have been a different, Raphael revealed his soulmark and shrugged off his jacket. It was musical notes, a composition that vanished under the hem of his t-shirt but the part that was visible was enough. It was one of Simons songs.

An old one he remembered playing at the hotel.

“Raphael…”, it sounded as weak as he was feeling again. All the anger just puffed away.

“You were so in love with Clarissa and then the whole thing with the werewolf girl.”

“Maya.”, Simon insisted. “Maya.”, the other repeated with a hint of a smile. Simon knew that he could be protective of his friends, but the way Raphael looked at him was downright endearing and he didn’t know if he could handle that just yet. For him it was kind of rapid but maybe this was there all along. Raphael adoring him might not be new. Maybe they were both just careful idiots. But he had to do something about it right here.

With a sigh he took Raphaels face in his palm. “So, you don’t hate me?”, he asked silently. “No.”, the other laughed (He definitely liked happy Raphael a trizillion times better) and layed a hand over Simons “No, I don’t hate you.”, with something one could almost call humor in the dark eye’s he pulled Simon closer. “Quite the opposite.” His breath greased the youngers face, prompted him to lean down and finding himself in a similar position as before. (Only with 100% more chance of kissing.)

And Simon found himself wanting to kiss Raphael very, _very_ bad. (But he didn’t have to tell him that) “So, what happens now?”, he found himself asking again because being patient wasn’t his strong suit apparently. And instead of answering Raphael sighed and said: “Can I kiss you, Simon?”

This right here was so incredibly nice. Raphael asking him if it was okay to kiss him instead of just taking. Simon had so many people in his life just taking, but this grumpy vamp over here was asking. God, he was sentimental today, but it felt so warm inside him, being asked for permission.

Raphael waited for him to make an approving sound that could be vaguely interpreted as “Sure” and moved on to lay his lips very chaste on Simon’s, as if to test his boundaries but Simon had other plans. Urgent he moved his lips against the others. Raphael smiled against his lips and let him alone in his frustration a little longer before deepening the kiss too. It was all nice and well but for the fact that Simon was hungry. When he let himself go in the flattery feeling to kiss Raphael, he lost control and bit the lower lip he was sucking on.

And Raphael fucking moaned in response.

That was well, something _else_. God, he was in too deep fast. And for some reason he didn’t get himself to care that much.( Was that what having a soulmate felt like?) Raphael bit into his upper lip hard seemingly as revenge, licking the blood away in a way too erotic gesture and also propping his tongue in Simons mouth, when he gasped.

Kissing was great but kissing and drinking each other’s blood was fucking fantastic. (Okay, that might be the hunger’s fault but still.) This kept on for who knows how long since neither really needed to breathe.  It was Raphael who had the self-control to pull back, looking at Simon contently. And it was nice, yeah butterfly – in – your- stomach- great.  “We are idiots.”, Simon was looking at Raphael too and he might make a very love-sick figure but again, he didn’t really care. There was still a lot to talk about, but here right now it was a perfect little moment with his soulmate. “Speak for yourself, Lewis.”, he smiled. “Hey, you are the one who was too afraid to tell me okay?” Simon couldn’t really be mad about this anymore; he had been obsessively in love with Clary. It was complicated. They couldn’t be together just like this. There were still tons of things between them. But Simon felt lightweight and not really wanting to think about this. The now was way too beautiful.

Raphael was his soulmate.

And he liked him back. That was reality, right? For a moment he feared that it was just a scheme of the queen, so he would eat here. God, that wasn’t the case, right. For a minute he wanted to ask Raphael if he was real but that was stupid.

His fear must have shown on his face, because Raphael checked him over with obvious concern. “Are you alright?”, he asked softly. Simon just nodded. And when the other man didn’t seem convinced he said, “Just hungry.” As if it was the answer to all the bullshit here. If Raphael wasn’t satisfied by this answer, he didn’t say anything. “Do you need to…?” he gestured to his neck. Simon thought about declining but his stomach disagreed. He just nodded and dug his teeth in and for a short moment everything was content.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the end is near, my dudes.


End file.
